The Twins did some good work today, taking down the Evil Empire in the series. Unfortunately we couldn't come through in the clutch last night, but I'm willing to forgive them for this transgression. Even though we lost, it wasn't as terrible as the last time that we played the Yankees. I don't even want to think about it again. It gives me the shivers.
I received an email from a reader this week, questioning the use of Lil' Nicky Punto in the current lineup. This reader (Justin Lorang) threw a bunch of statistics at me, and although he is freakishly tall, he did make some valid points. However, what the statistics fail to show is the impact that LNP has on the other members of the Twins team.
One of the Statistician leaders, Justin Lorang.
Those readers that had the joy of experiencing Batgirl when she was still around are fully aware of the exploits of LNP. Headlong dives into first, spectacular defense, and his propensity for ass-batingness only tell half the story. LNP is the Captain America of the Twins (he's not really Captain America. Buscher stole that costume. I'm just using it in the metaphorical sense). He means so much more to the Twins than a low batting average and propensity for hitting into double plays.
Photo produced by Bat-Girl.com
Lil' Nicky Punto was born in San Diego, a planet 1.5 million light years away from Earth, which coincidentally shares the same name as a city in California. The people of planet San Diego are half the size as earthlings. We would put them in the gymnast height category here on Earth. Lil' Nicky Punto was actually named Gigantor on his home planet, and was regarded as a great leader among his peers.
A few years ago, the people of San Diego were threatened by the evil Statisticians. They arrived on San Diego spewing OBP lasers and SLG bombs, killing every tiny member of the planet. Thankfully, LNP evaded the Statisticians and escaped to Earth, arriving in Philadelphia in 2001.
In 2004, there were threats in Philly that the Statisticians had discovered his whereabouts again. He quickly moved onto Minneapolis and found a place with the Twins. Over the years he has discovered and encouraged the super talents of his teammates. When concentrating on his teammates super skills, his ass-batiness seems to emerge more, making him susceptible to discovery by the evil Statisticians. LNP knows however, that the better his super teammates perform, the less attention is paid to the assiness of his bat.
While hanging out in the clubhouse, I overheard LNP giving his superfriends a little pep talk after last nights game.
LNP: "Okay superfriends. Tough loss guys. Flash and Span-man, I liked your hits out there."
Carlos Gomez: "Thanks LNP."
Denard Span: "Yeah, thanks."
LNP: "But, you also struck out twice. When facing the Statisticians, those kind of numbers are not going to help you."
CG: "But I stole a base..."
LNP: "I know, but you're Flash. You should be stealing every base out there."
CG: "Okay."
LNP: "Captain Busch, you had zero hits. Zero, but you did have an RBI. Statisticians love that crap."
Brian Buscher: "Thanks LNP."
LNP: "Green Lexi. I know that your thumb is hurting, but we need you back. My ass-batiness is showing. Put on your power ring and lets get going."
Alexi Casilla: "Gotcha LNP."
LNP: "We're going to keep the Wolfman caged up for now. He's just too angry to release onto the field, even against the Yankees."
Mike Lamb: (Growling sounds)
LNP: "Tomorrow needs to be a win. Justin Lorang, leader of the evil Statisticians, is close to finding me. He has begun to alert others. If we win, he may forget about my presence on the team and turn his focus onto Wii tanks. Let's go out there and get a win!"
All: "Hooray!"
In the midst of the pep talk, Reddog peeked around the corner.
Mike Redmond: "What's all the commotion about?"
LNP: "Just getting my superfriends ready for tomorrow, Reddog."
MR: "Oh, well, I'm having a 'superfriends' party over here. Do you guys want to join?"
Not wanting to interfere (or see) Reddog's party, I decided to exit the clubhouse as quickly as possible. Let us all give a quick thanks to Lil' Nicky Punto and hope that he continues to evade capture from the Evil Statisticians.
-Sota
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