While perusing the Star Trib today, I saw that LEN3 has posted an update on my boy Lexi. He said that the Twins can expect to have him back at some point this season after an encouraging checkup. For those who don't know, Lexi tore a ligament in his thumb a few weeks ago. His finger injury is one of a few that the team is experiencing right now. Matt Tolbert, a promising rookie, tore ligaments in his thumb as well earlier this season. Michael Cuddles Cuddyer strained a tendon on his left index finger at the end of June.
I started to wonder how all of these finger injuries could occur during one season. Some might say it's from stealing bases, or fielding ground balls, or even from getting hit by pitches, but for some reason I don't think that's the case. After doing a bit of investigative work, I found that there was something else going on entirely.
Every baseball team has players that fill certain roles. There are leadoff guys that can steal, take pitches, and run. There are cleanup players that can hit for power and average. There are clubhouse managers, bat-boys, base coaches, etc. Every team has them. But not every team has their very own magician.
The Twins are lucky. For years, our very own Cuddles has wowed his teammates and the media with magic tricks that cause you to question your own existence. Card tricks, sleight of hand, rabbits, locks, disappearing buildings, you name it. Cuddles does it all.
In this past offseason, there were rumors that Cuddles was developing a trick so dangerous, so mind boggling that he was too nervous to show it to any other member of the team. In this trick, Cuddles would use one hand to remove the thumb of his other hand. He contacted us here at Sota to give us an exclusive video of the event.
Amazing. Cuddles showed the rest of the team at the end of spring training to get them ready for a "magical" season. Some of the team was frightened by the exhibition and began calling Cuddles a witch. This is, of course, a ridiculous claim. He is a man which would clearly make him a warlock.
Cuddles business card
Other teammates were impressed and wanted to learn the warlock's secrets. Matt Tolbert was so amazed by the trick that he immediately tried to remove his own thumb, only to hurt himself in the process. Pat Neshek tried to yank out his thumb as hard as possible, but ended up popping a ligament in his elbow. Cuddles warned the rest of the team that it was extremely dangerous to attempt the trick unless under his direct supervision.
The most interested of anyone was Alexi. He went to Cuddles, wanting to learn his secrets. Everyday after games Alexi and Cuddles would enter into the deep caverns of the Metrodome to practice the trick. During these lessons, Cuddles began developing his next trick, where he would remove other fingers from his hand. Late one night, after Lexi had gone home, Cuddles attempted his new trick. He almost succeeded, but at the last second he erred in his attempt and pulled his index finger out of socket. He ran to the field looking for help.
The carnage of Cuddles latest trick
When Lexi heard the news, he was devastated. He was so close to mastering the art of thumb removal, but now his teacher was gone. Trying to prove that he belonged and that he didn't need Cuddles to be a magician, Lexi attempted the trick. Following in Tolbert footsteps, Lexi was unsuccessful and tore ligaments of his own.
When Gardy learned of the news, he immediately banned all magic tricks from the locker room. There was no room for any more injuries to the Twins infield. The only trick that Gardy still allows is when Redmond's clothes magically disappear while he takes BP. Mainly because Gardy finds this hilarious. And so do I.
-Sota
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