It's Time for the Perkolator

What up world,

The Perkolator had an amazing day. He boarded the Twin's secret jet in the City of Kansas's on Sunday in order to witness the birth of his first child. Sunday evening, future percolator, Lyla Cynthia Perkins was born. Glen told me that the raw emotions he felt were like nothing he had ever experienced in his life before. He was now the protector of this human life, and she was not going to date any boys until she was at least 21. If he caught some boy creeping into his daughters room he was going to throw a 95 mph heater at his face.

Prior to the game yesterday, The Perk was talking with some of the visiting Yankees. He was showing them pictures of his newborn and beaming like any new father should. A-Rod and Jeter both looked at the pictures, and commented that they thought she was just beautiful. Slightly disturbed by this The Perk moved over to new Yanks, Xavier Nady and Richie Sexson. Upon seeing the pictures, Nady said, "Oh she is so cute, I just want to hold her." Sexson commented, "You should bring her to the next game. I want to play a little peek-a-boo with her. Sexson style."

The Perk quickly grabbed the pictures. His anger had risen to substantial levels at this point. He moved over to former teammate, Sir Sid Ponson. Clearly smelling of alcohol, Sir Sid looked at the pictures and said, "God I'd love to make out with that. Maybe a few drinks on the beach would get her in the mood."

The Perkolator was furious. This was his daughter, who is not to date any boys until she's at least 21. "She was less than 24 hours old" he thought, "and the entire New York Yankees team wants to get into her diapers."

It was time to show these pervs who the father of this child really was, Perkolater style. The children of the Twin Cities rejoiced. It was time for the Perkolator.

Inning by inning The Perk showed the Yanks to their seats. Sexson, sit down. You too Christian and Cano. A-Rod, how about a double play? He pitched 8 innings of fatherly work, glaring at the Yankee dugout after each inning.

After the eighth, Joseph Nathan approached him. Joe is a father of a young daughter as well. He had heard what the Yankees said prior to the game and was furious. The Perk saw his anger and offered the ninth inning to him. Joe stalked out to the mound, twitchy as ever. 17 pitches later, there were three more Yanks that were sent back to their seats.

Still upset after the game, Nathan decided to donate $500,000 to his alma mater for a new baseball field. It will be called, "Touch My Daughter and Die Field"

One more note. Adam Everett decided to stop being so mousy last night and went long on Sir Sid. With the Perkolator percolating, Nathan being extra twitchy, Everett's long shot, and the White Sox running for the lives away from Beckett, the Twins are back in first. Holla

-Sota