Strange Breu

What up world,

While writing my last post, I was thinking back at some of my first experiences at Timberwolves games. I was always really excited to head to the Target Center, particularly because of the variety of food choices that my father would purchase for me. My dinner on those evenings typically included a personal pizza, french fries, a soft pretzel, and maybe some ice cream for desert. The sugar high that I would experience would actually cause me to hallucinate and go on a spiritual journey. On one of these occasions, where my high was making me a little jittery and paranoid, I was confronted by this guy.



I thought I was seeing a monster. He was either a daddy long legs in human form or some perverse Frankenstein creature. I was convinced that he was going to enter the stands and start tearing the limbs off of fans. Later, after I had come down from my high, I realized he was an actual member of the Timberwolves roster.

His name is Randy Breuer. He is a Minnesota native, coming out of Lake City and attending the U of M in the early 80's. Randy was a member of the team from 1989 through 1992, spreading nightmarish visions to thousands of youths throughout the Twin Cities. He was a 7'3" center, weighing 230 pounds. He was a skeleton with a jersey on. Just as a point of reference, I've listed the heights and weights of some of the centers around the league currently:

Yao Ming: 7'6" 310 pounds
Shaquille O'Neil: 7'1" 325 pounds
Greg Oden: 7'0" 285 pounds
Brook Lopez: 7'0" 260 pounds
Andrea Bargnani: 7'0" 250 pounds (and he's European)

I think that Breuer was so light because he had the body of a normal sized human being, but limbs that were equipped for a 10' tall man. He was a living, breathing stick person, making his sky hook quite deadly. The addition of the ridiculously short uniforms only accentuated this fact.



To add to this, he looked like he was about 20 years older than he actually was. I had never seen a balding basketball player until Randy Breuer. It seemed shocking to me that someone that looked older than my father was on center court. He played alongside Scottie Brooks, who looked like he could pass for a third grader, making Randy's advanced aging all that more apparent.



Strange Breu made an appearance at the Lakers game this week, to mark the 20th anniversary of the Timberwolves. I didn't see any pictures of the current Randy, but I can only assume that he has continued to grow and age simultaneously. His arms and legs are now 15' long, and he looks like he's 130 years old. That's my best guess.

Be warned if you seek out current pictures of Randy. Save yourself from the nightmares and cold sweats. You've been warned.

-Sota