Reddog is Back!!!

What up world,

So the excitement of opening day was hampered a bit by the disappointing loss the Twins suffered at the hands of the Mariners. Seattle!!! My frustrations with the city have been carried over from last season (see my previous rants here, and here, and here). Know your role Mariners. First place in your division doesn't suit you, even if Griffey is back in the Pacific Northwest.

So the Twins lost, and as I write this, they are currently down a run in the first inning. I'm upset by this, but have been reminding myself that there are many, many, many more games left to display the amazingness of our team (I'm feeling extra optimistic early on).

So what if Mr. Minnesota has hurt his back? We've got Reddog and Morales backing him up until his sacroiliac joint stops being a swollen jerk, right? Reddog is a 37 year old professional, that has the body of someone who spends the majority of his time in strip clubs and drinking scotch.



Wait, what? What did you say? Reddog pulled his groin last night? How did that happen? Did he drunkenly try to do the splits on stage at the Vu? No? It was during the game?


The Dogg loves the ladies

Crap. So now we've got Jose Morales and his 4 career at-bats behind the plate? More crap. On a brighter note, we've now increased the number of Joe's on the team (counting Spanish Joe's).

Mr. Minnesota - Joe Mauer
Horseface Closer - Joe Nathan
Possible Evil Spy - Joe Crede
Maybe the greatest catcher ever - Jose Morales
Fat's McGee - Jose Mijares

Mijares is actually in the minors, due to his massive stomach, but I have faith that he'll be back at some point. Our evil plan of having an entire roster of Joe's is getting closer to fruition.

I think that I echo the sentiment of all Twins fans out there when I say we need Reddog back. The best solution that I can see, is to send multiple call-girls in his direction to work out the kinks in that groin. While you're at it, send some wholesome farm girls Mr. Minnesota's way. Maybe they can massage the pain out of that sac joint. Send them in waves Twins fans. We need our catchers back.

-Sota