After a few discouraging series to open the season, many Twins fans had started to lose their faith. An entire offseason was spent diagnosing the roster and anticipating a trip to the postseason. Five months of speculation, hoping, and dreaming. Then, after three weeks and a number of losses, many fans were writing the team off. They were going down in flames and everyone in Twin-land was going to be subject to a full season of mediocrity.
All hope was lost. Even with the eventual return of Scottie Baker and Jo Jo Ma, fans were starting to wander off and seek answers elsewhere. Maybe Justin Morneau wasn't the second coming of Harmon Killibrew. Maybe Gardy wasn't the sage of wisdom that we thought he was. Maybe there was no heaven or Target Field coming at the end of the season.
What the team needed was an injection of faith. Something to restore their belief in the all-powerful might that we call the Twins. What could bring about this rebirth? What miracle workers could make this work?
Our prayers must have been heard, because an entire flock of angels entered the Metrodome for the weekend. The Angels of Anaheim and Los Angles and our Hearts rolled into Minneapolis, chock full of injuries and ass-bats of their own. Here is a quick recap of the miracles that took place in Minnesota.
Friday: Minnesota 11, LA 9
Desperate for a victory, Gardy entered the caverns of the Metrodome to a dark sub-basement late on Thursday night. There, the Bear lurked, hungry and angry from seasons of misuse. Gardy poked the Bear with a stick, yelling insults in his direction.
"My old man hibernates better than you do"
"Winnie the Pooh has a scarier growl than you."
"I bet you are worse at wiping your ass than those bears in the Charmin commercial."
Ku-bear was insensed. He charged the field on Friday night, hitting the cycle and taking every bit of fury out on a grand slam in the eighth inning. What happened on Friday night is called player management. Good job Gardy.
Saturday: Minnesota 9 LA 2
With glimmers of faith rippling through the Metrodome crowd from Friday night's comeback, the Twins' offense continued to roll on Saturday. Maybe the ass-bats of the first three weeks had been burned and destroyed. With Ku-bear rolling, the Delmonic actually living up to expectations, and Brendan Harris doing his best Lil Nicky Punto impression, the offense had been resurrected.
The real story from Saturday was the pitching of the Slow-one. Kevin Slowey pitched seven innings, giving up just two runs and six hits. He channelled his best Bradke impression, and was nasty through 112 pitches. Here is his team photo:
Slow-one = Sloth. I'm sorry, I took the easy way out here.
Sunday: Minnesota 3 LA 1
After posting impressive offensive stats through the first two games of the series, the team wanted to give the pitchers a chance to really shine. Who better to do this than a nice, shiny Perkolater. The Perkolator simmered and boiled through eight innings, even taking a shot off his leg, to earn his first victory of the season. The best part, the entire roster enjoyed some fresh brewed coffee during their postgame celebration.
Thanks to the Angels, faith has been restored. The Twins and their fans have started to believe again. Using God's wrath, they plan on destroying those red-clad heathens from Boston starting tomorrow. God has a plan for all of us. God's plan for the Twins; World Series.
-Sota
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