I'm a fairly regular reader of other Minnesota sporting blogs and message boards. For the most part it seems that there are quite a number of Minnesota Vikings fans out there that share many of the same sentiments that I do. We are a frustrated bunch of masochists who occasionally say or write some things that might not be all that kind to members of the team or coaching staff. Yet we continue to follow our favorite bunch of purple heathens each weekend, hoping against all logic that they may still turn things around. The Vikes have a bye this weekend, and I'm hoping that Chilly will take the time to revise the game plan a little or that JD Booty will suddenly become bootilicious as our starting quarterback or that the special teams has a group sleepover where they make a blood pact to never F things up again for the rest of season. Anything is possible in the bye week. Changes for the better can happen. I'm convinced of it.
Just look at my boy Visanthe Shiancoe (spelled correctly after four tries). After watching him last season and the beginning of this season, I took a contract out on his life. It was a bit expensive to do, but I was convinced that it was worth it. If I saw him drop another touchdown pass or first down reception, my head was going to explode over the entire living room. And then, somewhere between the Titans game and last week, he suddenly started to improve. I started questioning whether it was really a good idea to have him killed, but I wanted to talk to him before I called it off.
Sota: Yo, Visanthe. What up? It's your boy Sota.
Visanthe Shiancoe: Oh, what up Sota? What's going on?
S: Hey man, I just wanted to call to tell you that I've been impressed by some of the catches that you've made the last couple of weeks.
VS: You know, I'm just doing my job.
S: See that's the funny thing. For over a year you haven't been doing your job very well at all. I mean, you were terrible.
VS: Yeah. True, but...
S: I mean awful. Like make-me-sick-on-myself awful. I can't tell you how many times I tried to curse your name during that time period. I really wasn't sure how to pronounce it, so I just said things like, "F that guy" and pointed at the screen.
VS: Yeah, it's a tough name...
S: And then you actually started catching. Just when I, the Minnesota fan-base, and apparently the entire coaching staff had completely given up on you. What happened?
VS: Well, I didn't really want to tell anyone this, but I underwent surgery at the start of season.
S: Really?
VS: Yeah, I was afflicted with a condition called Magnititus.
S: I've never heard of that before. If would have thought that you're condition would be something more like "sucks-balls-ingus".
VS: Well I have a minor case of that as well. Magnititus is when you're hands are magnetized, but with opposing charges. It's an adult on-set condition that affects something like 10% of all humans.
S: That sounds ridiculous.
VS: No, it's true. Look at this picture.
VS: Every time a ball was thrown to me, I couldn't close my grip on it. It would either go right through my hands or I would go all dropsie on it.
S: That's pretty much spot on.
VS: I couldn't catch even the easiest of passes.
S: Also correct.
VS: So I had the surgery during training camp, but it's taken a while for my hands to heal up enough to actually hold onto a football.
S: So you are saying that you will never drop a ball again.
VS: That's correct.
S: Okay, well I guess that I won't have you killed then.
VS: What?
S: Nothing. Later Big V.
So that's that. Hopefully we will have the tight end that we thought we were paying for last season. If that's true, I might choose to forgive some of the awful things that he has done over the past year, maybe even learning to pronounce and spell his name correctly.
The biggest lesson here is that if this giant ball of suck can change, so can the rest of the team. Bye weeks are magical times, lets put this one to good use.
-Sota
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