Antoine is a Ninja

What up world,

On Monday night, I settled down on my roommates couch and watched the Vikings bumble their way toward a victory against the New Orleans Saints. It was absolutely god awful to watch. If I were a Saints fan, I would have wanted to stab bunnies after seeing my team give that game away. The Vikings offense looked like they had been kicked in the balls prior to each play from scrimmage. Each time the ball was snapped, they would immediately fall to the ground and writhe in agony. It burned my eye-balls to watch it.

I needed four fantasy points out of Purple Jesus in order to win for the week. Four points, that was it. I understand that the Saints were putting their entire defense, several members of the coaching staff, a couple of fans, and the entire referee crew into the box, but Peterson could get four fantasy points if he were running without a foot, both arms, and carrying his mother on his back. I'm going to chalk this up to Purple Jesus spending his entire weekend rebuilding the remaining homes of New Orleans. Instead of renting those 'wide load' trucks, the city asked Adrian to lift and move the rebuilt houses on his shoulders. He was a little tired from the heavy lifting. I get that, but I need you AP. No more charity work while the fantasy football season is going, okay? Alright, we're cool.

The real key to victory for us, more than Bernard Berrian's big day, or the fairly solid performance of the defense, or Grundy Undies somewhat accurate throws , was the play of my boy Antoine Winfield. He was all over the place, single handily winning the game for the Purple. I don't know much about Antoine, other than the fact that he is tiny and awesome. I caught up with him after the game. Here's a quick recap of our conversation.

Sota: What it is Antoine? Great game on Monday.
Antoine Winfield: Thanks Sota. I was just doing my job.
S: Yeah right. I think you far exceeded your job expectations. Unless your defined role is to make quarterbacks wet themselves, or to look extra sexy scoring defensive touchdowns, or to be a little, stealth ninja out on the field.
AW: What? Who told you that?
S: What?
AW: That I was a ninja?
S: Nobody. I was just making things up. I was just trying to tell you that you had a great game, and that I plan on putting a life-size poster of you on my wall and having frequent conversations with it.
AW: Oh good, because if word got out there that I was a ninja, I would have to start killing people.
S: So you are telling me that you are an actual ninja?
AW: Yes, but that has to be our little secret. Nobody can know about this.

S: Okay, I understand. It's probably against ninja code to show your face right?
AW: Exactly. The Ninja Alliance, of which I am a co-founder, would not look too kindly on me revealing myself to millions of people each week. Plus, other quarterbacks would probably say that it's unfair for a ninja to be playing against them.
S: Well yeah.
AW: But if the Vikings didn't have a ninja on their roster, with a head coach as awful as ours, we would be the worst team in the NFL. It would be like a drunk house cat named Fluffles trying to teach the Ninja Turtles to fight, instead of Splinter.
S: Right. Good analogy. Well, I look forward to more of your ninja ways in the upcoming weeks. Maybe you can start your own Dojo in the caverns of the metrodome and secretly teach T-Jack to be a ninja of his own?
AW: I'm already working on it. We're also working on a secret plan to assassinate Chilli Willi with some of our throwing stars.
S: Nice, I'm on board. I'll keep your secret safe.

"The Ninja Alliance"

I couldn't help myself. I had to tell someone, but I'm asking you, the reader, to keep this secret as well. Here is a quick video of our favorite secret assassin while acting as commissioner of the Ninja Alliance.

-Sota