Brothers Gotta Share

What up world,

While wandering the hallways of the Vikings practice facility earlier this year, I heard the following conversation.

Kevin Williams: "Pat are you crying?"
Pat Williams (sniffling): "Oh, hey Kevin."
Kev: "What's going on? What's wrong?"
Pat: "Nothing."
Kev: "Come on. You can tell me. I'm your brother."
Pat: "Well, it's just that all of the guys in the locker room keep calling me Fat Pat. People on the radio are saying it too. Even the fans call me fat."
Kev: "Pat, you're just a little bigger than most of the other kids. I wouldn't call you fat. Maybe just a little chunky."
Pat: "I am fat. I know it. My bathroom scale doesn't even register my weight any more. It just says 'Error', like a bad Garfield cartoon. Even Coach said that I wouldn't be able to play if I didn't lose weight."
Kev: "Well then, you and I will hit the weight room and work off some of those pounds this week."
Pat: "I don't think it's going to work. The thing is, when people call me Fat Pat, it just makes me depressed. When I'm depressed, all I want to do is eat. I went to McDonalds before practice this morning."
Kev: "They have a couple of healthy options at McDonalds. What did you get?"
Pat: "When they asked what I wanted, I just said "everything". I got everything Kev. I even supersized my order. I sat in my car in the parking lot and took it all down. When I was done, I went through the drive through and got a milkshake for the road."
Kev: "It's across the street."
Pat (sobbing): "I know."
Kev: "Well, we can work on this together. We'll go see a dietician and get this thing under control."
Pat: "How are you not as fat as I am? We're brothers, and you look anorexic compared to me."
Kev: "Well, I have a little weight loss secret that I haven't told anyone about."
Pat: "What? Tell me. I need help here Kev."
Kev: "Well, it's this little pill called Bumetanide."
Pat: "Bu..me...t..."
Kev: "I just call it a water pill. It helps me keep some of the weight off. I'll let you use some of them for a while if you want. The only thing is, we can't tell anyone about this. If we get caught using these weight loss drugs, someone might think that we were trying to mask steroid use."
Pat: "But we would never EVER use steroids."
Kev: "I know, but you know how people talk."
Pat: "Yeah. Hopefully these water pills do the trick. Pretty soon people will be calling me Phat Pat. Like with a 'ph' phat, not 'f' fat."
Kev: "Nice one. Now lets go put cottage cheese in Jared Allen's cowboy hat. It will be hilarious."

With that they left. I learned a couple of things during the conversation. One, Pat and Kevin Williams really are brothers, even though everyone thinks that they aren't. Two, the water pills were just for weight loss purposes and could not have used to mask steroid use. Three, Jared Allen is a huge hick (I may have already known this). Please Commish, take it easy on the team. I think that Zygi might go on a killing spree if anything else happens to the team this season.

-Sota