What happened? Three games in NYC and the Twins leave with a fine red welt on their asses. Bad defense, bad hitting, bad pitching. Terrible. Sir Sid completely dominated our lineup on Monday. Robinson Cano showed his pelotas to his fellow Dominicans by destroying our pitchers throughout the week. Alexi forgot that there was only one out in the fifth today and didn't turn the double play. Something must be going on. Where was the pitching and offense from this weekend? Looking on the internets, I found that the Twins are 3 and 19 in New York since 2002. They've been swept five times this season, the last three being in New York, Boston, and Chicago. Were the boys getting drunk and going clubbing? I called Lil' Nicky to find out what was going on.
Nick Punto: Hiya!
Me: What's up Nick? What happened this week? You guys looked out of it. Did you try alcohol?
NP: Alcohol? Me? Reddog kept trying to get me to go to his friend's cabaret. Some guy named Rick, but I stayed back at the hotel. I didn't have a drop.
Me: Then what was going on? How do you play so badly in the big cities?
NP: Well we were pretty tired from all of the site seeing. There was this awesome tour that took us all over the place. I saw the Empire State Building, Central Park, Times Square, we even saw where they tape TRL. It was awesome. The Jonas Brothers were there. Soooo cute.
Me: You went site seeing every day?
NP: Yes.
Me: Okay, but you are professional athletes. Surely you could recover in time for the game.
NP: Well, when we were in China Town, Carlos found this Spiderman outfit. When we went back to the hotel, we played superhero in the pool. We used markers to make Alexi the Green Lantern, and Livan said that he was Doctor Octagon. He just kept grabbing us and yelling "Checkup!!". It was weird...
Me: How long were you playing superhero?
NP: All night.
Me: Where was Gardenhire? He should have told you to go to sleep.
NP: He went out with Reddog. They smelled like rum and baby lotion during the game.
Me: Well get it together Nicky. You are headed to Cleveland next. There's nothing to do or see there. And tell Gomez to get rid of the Spiderman outfit.
NP: Okay.
Hopefully he and the rest of the team get it together. More updates to follow. Nick did send some pictures of his week in New York. See below:
-Sota
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