Opening Act

What up world,

My first post here is taking place as I'm watching the seemingly endless All-Star Game. I have wasted a ridiculous amount of time with this game, which is pointless, and has featured scrubs for the past 6 innings. I have to say that I've especially enjoyed watching Dan Uggla make more mistakes than an Emmitt Smith analysis, but would enjoy if the AL could hit a ball out of the infield at some point.

As I am a Minnesota fan living in Chicago, the only time that I get to watch baseball that I enjoy is when the White Sox are playing the Twins. When this occurs, I have the pleasure of listening to Hawk and DJ's commentary, who make me want to repeatedly smash my face against the wall. I rarely will watch the game with the sound on and don't pay much attention to the commercials. With our amazing advances in technology including Tivo, tv seasons on dvd, and 1,000 channels of entertainment, I rarely see what advertisers are trying to say.

Tonight, I have had the game on the entire time. There has been no channel surfing. No avoiding the persistent alcohol and car ads. I realized at about hour 3 of the game that the sequence of the commercials that were being shown could have been used in the torture chair of Clockwork Orange. Whoever came up with the phrase "Viva Viagra" should be dragged from his or her home and publicly ridiculed. Maybe we could tie them to a tree and have a bunch of awkward-looking middle-aged white men poking them with their boners. I understand that one day I will be consuming the miracle pills also, but if I have to say that I'm living the Viva Viagra life, I will jump.

The game just concluded and I have to admit that I was a bit excited that Morneau scored the winning run. I'm even more excited that it's over and I can finally go to sleep. Before I go, can we all agree that Bud Selig is a creepy vampire? More to come.