For those of you who are new to the blog, I like to run a feature every once in a while called "Wanna Get to Know You". It helps to learn a little bit more about the athletes that we love, hate, curse, salivate over on a weekly basis. Most of the WGTKY segments have focused on anonymous Timberwolves players. Players like Rodney Carney and Ryan Gomes. They aren't good enough to make it on anywhere else, and will most likely disappear into the D-League abyss come next year, so we try to get familiar with them while they are here.
For this segment, I would like...no, sorry that's not strong enough...I would be love...nope, still not there...I would be hopped-up-on-meth-excited...close enough... to get to know our new coach, Kurt Rambis just a little bit better.
In my younger years, I was fanatical for the NBA. I collected t-shirts, posters, Crunch dolls, and a large number of basketball cards. I would wander the mall, spend time at the arcade, maybe grab an Orange Julius, and buy packs of cards from the weird little stand under the escalators. I would sift through the packs, looking for Pooh Richardson or David Robinson or (most importantly) Magic Johnson cards. I would get excited when I saw the purple and gold of the Lakers uniform, but instead of seeing the thousand-watt smile of Magic, I would always find this man:
Kurt Rambis was in every single pack that I purchased. I probably have 50 Kurt Rambis cards still floating around my parent's house today. I would neatly arrange the players in plastic sheets and place them in a three-ring binder. They were organized according to their team, and any duplicates were placed together. While some players never showed up in my binder, Rambis had a whole chapter.
Was it the glasses? The mustache? Was a sweaty, ragged looking white man required to be included in every pack? I never understood the phenomenon, until I started doing a little research on the man.
Usually, while I'm doing these segments, I embellish the truth a little bit. I'm sorry to say this, but Rodney Carney was not actually in Boyz II Men. However, in Kurt's case, there was no need. The segment wrote itself.
Name: Kurt Rambis
Nickname: Kyriakos Rambidis
This is not a lie. I know, you think I'm trying to be funny, but it's true! Kurt began his career in Greece, where he went by the name Kyriakos Rambidis. He won the Greek Cup in 1981, before being signed by Los Angeles later that year.
Second Nickname: Superman
Rambis received this nickname from Lakers announcer Chuck Hearn for his resemblance to Clark Kent. Currently we have two superstars fighting over the use of that name. Shaq and Dwight Howard have been fighting over who the true "Superman" is since Howard's slam dunk contest. Let's go to the visual evidence:
I'm going to side with Hearn here, and say that Rambis has the closest resemblance to the superhero. Maybe it's the glasses. Maybe the hair. Oh, wait, now I see. Rambis is white. That makes much more sense.
Stats: 4,603 points, 4,961 rebounds, 59.5% field goal at his peak, and 4 championship rings.
These aren't gaudy stats, but are directly in-line with what is expected of a goofy, hustling white guy. Every championship caliber team needs one. The 07-08 Celtics had Brian Scalabrine, the 01-02 Lakers had Mark Madsen, the 95-96 Bulls had Luc Longley. Lets go back to the visual evidence.
All very awkward, all very white.
Other Interests: Coaching, acting, and rapping.
Coaching: Rambis was the assitant coach for the Lakers from 2002-2009, and named as the head coach of the Timberwolves this season.
Acting: While in LA he made appearances as a recurring character on 7th heaven, Sweet Valley High, and Married With Children. I've tried in vain to find a clip on Youtube to demonstrate his acting skills, but I've come up with nothing so far.
Rapping: His rap career hasn't taken off yet, but he was mentioned in two songs. In "Blao!" by rapper Hot Karl (amazing name) it is said, "I'm wearing the goggles that Kurt Rambis used to sport." In "Mayor" by Pac Div, Kurt's named is dropped as well, "your boy hustles hard like Rambis from the Lakers."
I'm hoping that in the next couple of seasons, I will grow to appreciate the man further. I predict that in 2013-2014 season, with the arrival of Ricky Rubio, the development of John Wall, and the presence of our token, awkward white guy (Kevin Love), the Timberwolves will be back in the playoff picture. I can see it already. Game 7 of the Western Conference Finals. The underdog Timberwolves are pushing the dominant Oklahoma City Thunder to the brink. Kurt, who's grown his mustache back for the season, emerges from the locker room, once again sporting his thick black glasses. The Thunder are so intimidated by the presence of Superman on the Wolves bench that they can't hit a shot. They can't play defense. They fall apart, and the Wolves are headed to the finals!
Then, I will return to my childhood bedroom, open my binder of basketball cards, and weep tears of joy over my massive Kyriakos Rambidis collection. Oh, the glory!!!
-Sota
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