This is My Chance

What up world,

The Timberwolves suffered yet another loss last night to the Washington Wizards. They've now lost 10 of the last 11, and may have lost another starter for the rest of the season. Things are going exactly according to plan! Lottery pick, here we come!

Randy Foye went down with a severe ankle sprain, and had to be helped off the court and through the locker room after the game. Also, Rodney Carney sat out the second half with a lower body contusion (he bruised his butt). Of our current roster, we now have three starters that are out for the season; Al Jefferson, Corey Brewer, and now Foye, with Carney most likely out for a couple of games.

After a long season, many of the Timberwolves are struggling each night. There are only 19 games remaining in the season, and the wear and tear is starting to show. I've listed the remaining roster and some of the nagging injuries that are affecting them:

1. Bobby Brown: Too much humping around.
2. Brian Cardinal: Premature balding.
3. Jason Collins: Inflamed Awfulness.
4. Ryan Gomes: Gonorrhea-syphilaids.
5. Kevin Love: Fat fingers.
6. Mark Madsen: Albinism.
7. Mike Miller: Woman, trapped in man's body.
8. Kevin Ollie: Already died of natural causes.
9. Craig Smith: Gigantism, of everything.
10. Sebastian Telfair: Benjamin Button disease.
11. Shelden Williams: Homesick for his alien world.

For the next couple of weeks, there are only 11 men on the Timberwolves roster, most of whom are hurting as well. What is the team going to do? Sign NBA D-leaguers to 10-day contracts? Please. That is what everyone is expecting them to do. I think that they are going to start accepting walk-ons and pulling random people out of the stands. That way, they will be getting the fans involved and ensuring that they won't win a game for the rest of the season. Ricky Rubio, welcome to Minnesota.

In anticipation of this move, I've decided to throw my hat in the ring. I've sent an email to the personnel department, asking to be part of the team. Here is the actual email below:

After seeing the results of the game last night, it seems to me that the Timberwolves are going to be struggling for players. With Randy Foye, Al Jefferson, Corey Brewer, and Rodney Carney out for significant amounts of time, you have a number of roster spots to fill.

I would like to volunteer to play for the team. A few of my qualifications:

-I was a member of the Apple Valley traveling basketball team, while in middle school.
-I play in pick up games every couple of months.
-I won the last HORSE competition I was involved in.
-I once made 14 free throws in a row.
-I can dribble with both hands.

I can already envision myself cheering the starters alongside Mark Madsen. I can create some original cheers or handshakes that would be vital to team morale.

Please let me know what the next steps are in this process. I look forward to being the next member of the Timberwolves!



I will keep you updated on this process, unless there is some team rule about divulging all of our sweet game plans and team cheers of course. Then, I'll try to communicate with all of you through coded messages in the media. My future career just started.

-Sota