The Drug Trade

What up world,

As promised in my last post, I am still planning on reviewing the past year that Sota Love has spent with other Minnesota franchises. However, due to time constraints, I am going to have delay those posts for another day. Additionally, there is some news coming out of the dungeons of the Metrodome that is too great to ignore. Prior to the trading deadline last Friday, the Twins were able to acquire Orlando Cabrera from the Oakland A's, hoping to improve the miserableness of our middle infield hitters.

I have watched Orlando over the years, and have been fairly impressed with his performance. He helped the Red Sox to their first championship in 2004, played for the Angels from 2005 to 2007, and, in a clear effort to help the Twins, nearly imploded the White Sox clubhouse last season. In the past, he has been a fairly consistent batter, base runner, and defensive presence. I'm hoping that he will be able to provide more consistency as shortstop than our current rotation of tiny superheroes.

I've known about Orlando for several seasons, as the Twins have flirted with acquiring him for quite some time, but I wanted to know more about the man. Where was he from? What has he experienced in his life that would make him a good fit for our team? Could he singlehandedly destroy Ozzie Guillen and the rest of the White Sox?

In order to answer these questions, I fired up the Sota Love research laboratory. Here is what I found:

Name: Orlando Cabrera
Nickname: O-Cab, The OC
Born: November 2, 1974 - Cartagena, Columbia
Career Numbers: .272 average, 107 hr's, 704 rbi's, 186 sb's.
Distant Relatives: Pablo Escobar

Wait. What?!? Pablo Escobar!!! That's right. O-Cab is the grandson of the infamous leader of Columbia's drug cartel. The Twins now have a connection to the drug trade, possibly adding another revenue stream for our small market team. Will the team start fueling cocaine driven, discoteca parties in downtown Minneapolis? Possibly. If we start seeing sharp dressed Columbians hanging around the corners of Target Field next season, we'll know that we have a problem on our hands.

I'm hoping that The OC ignores the tumultuous past of his relatives and concentrates on hitting gap doubles throughout the second half of the season. After getting swept this weekend, in historic fashion, we need some sort of spark. Something to get the team excited, off the bench, and ready to crush home runs. What could it be? What could provide that instant shot of adrenaline?

Could it be cocaine? No! Stay away from it Gomez! Your head will explode! That white powder is not candy Scottie Baker!

Concentrate on Orlando, guys. He's the only spark that we need.

-Sota