My apologies for taking so much time between blog posts. I've been moving apartments, dealing with internet issues, and entertaining friends over the last week, causing me to be negligent in my writing duties. In addition, I've been doing my best to ignore the massive amounts of disappointment that the Twins are heaving upon us on a nightly basis. I was all set and ready to blog on Monday evening, mentally preparing for what I was going to write after a massive victory over the Oakland A's, and then the Twins promptly gave into their sucking tendencies. When you give up 7 runs in the 7th inning, it doesn't often lead to a victory, guys. Let's avoid these situations going forward...
I've now been offering these pieces of advice to the various Minnesota sporting teams for just over a year now. The All-Star game a few weeks ago marked the one year anniversary of Sota Love, giving me a perfect excuse to review some of the events over the past 12 months. I will attempt to break these events into a couple of different categories and different blog posts, beginning with Sota Love's first love; the Minnesota Twins.
Twins:
Throughout the last year, we've delved into the inner workings of the Twins organization, getting to know some of the characters that comprise the team that we've grown to love. Here is a brief list:
Jo Jo Ma: All-Star catcher, composer of beautiful symphonies, and all-around lady killer. Hearts and kisses Jo Jo.
J-Mo/The Mountee/Paul Bunyan Jr: All-Star first baseman, former league MVP, and future prime minister of Canada. J-Mo, although you may not be the greatest writer the world has ever known, you certainly can destroy a baseball. Keep doing that.
Scottie Baker: 12 year old Scottie, along with his favorite teddy bear "Cuddles", has not had the season that we expected of him, however, there is still time. I've been rough of Scottie at times; banning his videogames and not letting him stay up past his bedtime, but it has been out of pure love and affection. I know that he can be a top of the rotation starter, but he has to start believing in himself and not breaking down in tears when he doesn't do well, or when I yell at him.
The Saint: With the return of Saint Francisco at the mid-point last season, the Twins had new life. I was convinced that the Saint would return for 2009, raining sulfur and devastating sliders upon all opposing batters. Throughout the first half, the Saint has looked more loving and forgiving of AL Central teams than the vengeful spirit that we knew a few years ago. I'm hoping that he will deliver the anger of God in the second half, giving the good citizens of Minnesota renewed hope.
Ku-Bear/The Grizzley/More Ku-Bell: Jason Kubell has quietly put together an extremely effective first half of the season. Now that Gardy has allowed Ku-Bear to regularly roam free in the outfield, devouring fastballs and smallish, opposing players, he is beginning to turn into the fearsome beast that we knew he could be.
Lil Nicky Punto: It's hard for me to criticize LNP. He's all hustle, and I can't help but laugh like a baby playing peek-a-boo when he slides into first base. Still, he's been awful this season. Even with his defensive prowess in the infield, he should be spending more time fighting criminals in the Twin Cities at night, and riding the bench during the day. I heart you LNP, but if you don't start contributing on offense, I might have to break off this relationship.
Keiunta Denard Span: Keiunta is a warrior. A slap hitting, fast, defensive genius warrior. I never expected Span to evolve into this type of player, but after a full season in the bigs, I have every bit of confidence in the man, the myth, the soon-to-be legend.
Go Go Gomez, The Delmonic, and Alexi Casilla: I heart all three of you, but you are starting to play with my emotions. I was convinced that you would all continue to get better this season, but you seem to have gotten far worse. Here are a few, brief personal notes to each of you:
Lexi: After your game winning hit over the White Sox late in the season in 2008, I wanted to commission a statue of you outside of the new ballpark. But, in 2009, you can't seem to make those hits, or defensive plays, or anything else productive. I want to mold that statue Alexi, but you have to deserve it first.
Go Go: When I heard that you eat massive amounts of candy, and accidentally hit your face against doorways, and softly kiss and speak sweet nothings to your bats, I wanted to hang out with you more than anything. I wanted you to get on-base and score runs, but you seem to be more concerned with hitting homeruns and striking out. No more of that Go Go
The Delmonic: I've already discussed you in a previous post, and I don't feel like I need to heap any more criticism upon your massive noggin. Let me just quickly say this. Stop sucking. That's all. Nothing more than that. Stop sucking!!!!
Reddog: You are awesome, and old, and often naked. I think that you should accelerate your naked locker room time, your naked batting practice routine, and your general naked harrassment of Brendan Harris in order to spur on the rest of the team. My suggestion: All naked, all the time. Keep partying you dirty bastard.
With the painful end to last season, and the general disappointment with the current season, one would think that my love for the team would be wavering. That couldn't be further from the truth. I can't wait for the team to start their second half run and propel themselves to the top of the Central. I'm fully convinced that something is going to click at some point, causing me to do a little dance every time I hear any news of it. Our 10 game winning streak is going to directly coincide with the signing of Ricky Rubio and Brett Favre, and my head may explode from pure joy.
More on the other franchises of Sota Love in the next blog posting. Stay tuned.
-Sota
No comments:
Post a Comment