A Leaky Ship

What up world,

Over the last couple of years, as I've blogged intermittently, I've noticed that I don't write much about the Vikings. I've written inane articles on Timberwolves players, discussed the inner workings of Lil Nicky Punto's mind, and even wrote a piece on classifying gymnasts as a different species, but I don't find that I have much to say on the Vikes.

I don't know why this is. I love the Purple. I've fiercely defended the actions of the team against my heathenish Green Bay parents. I've mirrored Chris Carter's touchdown celebration during numerous beer pong games. I even called into a sports talk radio show to discuss the team (the lowest point of my life).

Disappointment. It's the only thing that I can think of. I haven't cheered for any other team that has had a consistent shot at being great. The Timberwolves had one season of greatness (single tear. I miss you KG). The Twins have made the playoffs on a regular basis, but I've never thought of them as a legitimate contender. We never even think about a national championship for the Badgers. We set our sights on the Rose Bowl, but are really just happy to have a moment of greatness every once in a while. Like beating #1 last weekend. What! Suck it Ohio State.

Every season, however, I look to the Vikings to do something extraordinary. I get my hopes and expectations up, and am usually bitterly disappointed by season's end. The beginning of the 2010 season was no different. After getting to the brink of the Super Bowl last year, I thought that we had a legitimate chance at being dominant from the start. Bring back Favre. Bring back Purple Jesus. Hell, even Chili can come along for the ride. Breeze through the regular season and bring on that championship banner.

The last time that I felt this confident about the team was the beginning of the 2005 season. My boy, Duante Culpepper, was coming off of an amazing season. The majority of the team was back, our defense was getting better, and I was convinced that the departure of Randy Moss would allow the team to gel. I was ready for Duante to take the team in his tiny hands and lead us to glory.

The team started 2-5, Duante's knee was dismantled, and the Vikings ended up not going to the playoffs. In addition, a little incident called "The Love Boat" occurred, leaving me not only disappointed but also ashamed. Ugh, Bryant McKinnie, you are a dirty dude.

Which brings us to 2010. The Vikings are 2-3, and look as coordinated as a newborn deer. Watching our offense makes me want to punch children and kittens. My thoughts of domination have dissolved into hopes of getting to .500.

And scandal has reared its ugly head once again (no pun intended). Brett's penis made its Internet debut last week and discussions of his harassment have run rampant. Our QB is already battered and out of sync with our receivers. Let's add some embarrassment and marital troubles. Sounds like a plan!

It has gotten to the point that I don't want to think about the team throughout the week. I'm trying to guard myself against the pain. I don't want to get my hopes up any longer, only to have them crushed. It's not a great way to go into Packer week.

Pull it together Vikes. I want to love you and dream of a purple championship ring. By the way, I'll be in Dallas for the Super Bowl. It would be fantastic if you could show up as well.

Sincerely,

Sota