WGTKY - Ol Dirt Doggy

What up world,

I saw that one of my faithful readers posted a comment in my last post. After considerable investigation I discovered that the commenter was none other than my father. Good work Dad! This interwebs stuff isn't so tough, right?

If you were lucky enough to read this comment, you would notice that my father has developed a certain level of fondness for the Twins new second baseman, Orlando Hudson. And I can't fault him for that. I will admit that I haven't paid much attention to the newcomers. It's difficult to see the contributions of players like Orlando when you are watching game updates on ESPN. In an effort to push my familiarity further, I've decided to welcome him to the team with a segment I like to call "Wanna Get to Know You".

Without further ado: WGTKY - Orlando Hudson Edition!!!!

Name: Orlando Hudson
Age: 32
Birthplace: Awesome Town
Nickname: O Dog

I have an issue with this. Why O Dog? There are so many other potentially great nicknames for our new second baseman. Let's think about this. First name, Orlando. What happens in Orlando? Disney does. Could he be a Mouseketeer? No, that's a little juvenile. Plus, Mouseketeer Hudson doesn't flow that well.

Let's keep thinking. Orlando has a lot of syllables in it. We'll shorten it to "O". O Hudson. Where can we find a Hudson? There's the river. Oh, and the bay. Where's the bay? In Canada. That's it!!! We'll call him O Canada!

Hold on...Let's think about this again. We already have the Mountie in Justin Morneau. We don't want to anger him. Back to the drawing board. What else happens in Orlando? Hmmm... Got it! The Magic. The Orlando Magic. Orlando Hudson = The Magic Man!!! Boom!!! Nickname solved.

Position: Second base. While watching the game, I noticed that another newcomer, my boy JJ, was taking the day off. In his place was Alexi Casilla, our second baseman from last year. Watching Alexi hit soft ground outs caused me to remember what is was like watching him last year. Yes, he did have a clutch hit every once in a while, but he rarely got the ball past the pitchers mound. I loved you at one time Alexi, but I have a new crush. It's because he does things like this:

Break dance fielding!!!


Alexi, there are times that you make spectacular defensive plays, but there are also times that you do things so stupid that Gardy poops himself in frustration. We can't have those errors or those soiled manager uniforms. It's too much strain on the team.

Special Skills: Talking

According to my father, The Magic Man is a fast talker. He talks to opposing base runners, to his defense, to the media, and even to the umpires. Actually, he butters the umpires up so much that he gets invited to their "umpire-only" barbecues. This gets him a smaller strike zone, beneficial foul calls, and a warm welcome at home plate. This can only help us.



In conclusion, I would like to thank my dad for pointing out The Magic Man's awesomeness to me. Without the comment, I may have continued to ignore our new second baseman for the entire season. Instead, I managed to hang out with him for a bit, even taking a picture*:


*not actually me

Welcome to the Twins, Magic Man. Keep on doing what you do.

-Sota

WGTKY - Al Jefferson

What up world,

It's been over a year since the origination of the WGTKY segment here at Sota Love. In that time, we've covered several Minnesota athletes, focusing mainly on the Timberwolves. There are several reasons for this, the largest being that the team is terrible and this segment is the only chance I have to get to know the team. Other reasons include:

-Getting to know obscure names like Nathan Jawai (who?)
-Meeting our team's awkward white guys, like Oleksiy Pecherov (again, who?)
-Saying hello to old friends, like Alando Tucker, before they're forced out of the league. (I still heart you Alando)

I've considered writing about each of these players, and nearly every player on the Timberwolves roster, except for one. You might be asking yourself, "Who is this mystery player?" Read the subject line, dummy. It's right there. Did you find it? Good work.

For some reason, even though he is the supposed "star" of our team, I've never felt any affection toward Al Jefferson. I've contemplated why this is the case for quite some time (the 15 minutes before writing this point), and I think I've come up with a reason.

It's not because he's boring to watch or that his defense is worse than a drunk girl at an after-party. It's not because he doesn't get along with Kevin Love, or because he can't stay healthy for a full season. It's moreso because of how he became a member of the Timberwolves.

On July 31, 2007, after playing with the Celtics for two seasons, Al became the center-piece of the Kevin Garnett trade. He, along with a garbage bag full of other players, were traded to the Timberwolves for the first love of my life.

I still haven't gotten over it. I'm happy for Kevin, but the pain of the breakup still lingers. Would I have liked to stay married to him for the rest of my life? Yes. Do I think it was the healthiest of relationships? Probably not. Do I still draw hearts around pictures of KG? It's possible.

Because of this pain I've never been able to fully embrace Big Al. I'm doing my best to move past all of this, as evidenced by the WGTKY piece, but I see him in a Timberwolves uniform and I'm immediately reminded of what we gave up to get him. He's my rebound relationship.

Rebound? Huh. What an excellent segue. Without further ado, WGTKY: Al Jefferson edition!



Rebounds: This season Al set a single-game franchise record for rebounds, with 26 during a triple overtime loss to the Houston Rockets. Since he's been with the Timberwolves, he's been averaging over 11 rebounds per game. Not bad. Not quite KG in Minnesota numbers, but not bad.

Scoring: For the 2009-2010 season, Big Al is scoring an average of 23.1 points per game, which is the highest total for his career. He is considered a "throw-back" power forward because of his offensive game. The majority of his points are scored from post-up, back to the basket sets. Is this incredibly boring? Yes.

Other highlights: There are signs of continued growth for Jefferson. He has career highs in blocks, assists, free-throw percentage, and minutes per game during the current season. Of course, that growth hasn't led to a significant increase in team wins, so I'm not sure what that says about our star.

Drinking: This is a recent development in Al Jefferson's game. On February 28th, after getting blown out by the Portland Trailblazers (the game that I snuck into!), Al went out to get his party on. Nothing particularly wrong with that. I like to drink too.

However, if KG had lost a game in that manner, he probably would have silently left the locker room, driven home, and obsessed over the loss until he reached a near-murderous state. (I'm just saying).

Regardless of whether the post-game partying was appropriate, we can all agree that the decision to drive home was the wrong one. He was pulled over on 394 for speeding at 1 am. He failed a breathalyzer and his subsequent blood test revealed a blood alcohol content of .12. Naturally, I was curious as to how many drinks it would take for a 265 pound man to reach this point. So, I fired up the Sota Love research facility and managed to discover an answer.

I estimated that he had been drinking for approximately 3 hours (post-game to 1 am). I compiled a list of possible drinks that Big Al consumed during that time to lead to a BAC of .12. Here is my list:

1 Beer (to start the night-off and replenish vital fluids)
1 Henessy on the rocks (to get the nasty beer taste out of his mouth)
2 Cranberry and Vodkas (to get his vitamins)
3 Red Bull and Vodkas (to get the party started)
1 Gin and Juice (because the DJ was playing Snoop)
1 Double shot of Jager (to appease the college kids that saw him at the bar)
1 Shot of Tequila (to help him to sleep)

In three hours, that would leave him with a BAC of .118 according to my research. Maybe he had a sip of someone's Long Island to push him up by .002. In summary, Jefferson and the Timberwolves lost a game by 30 points, he got REALLY drunk, made the decision to drive home, and was later suspended for two games. Good work!



Ok, I know. I'm being a little biased. I just can't get past it. The more that I get to know him, the more I think about Garnett. Yes, Al is much younger and his numbers are somewhat similar, but he'll never replace the Kid in my eyes. Maybe with more time and greater success I'll be able to cheer for Al.

But for now, while the Timberwolves are 14 and 54, in the midst of a 10 game losing streak, and getting crushed by the Phoenix Suns (152 to 114, are you kidding me?), I'm allowed to be a little bitter.

Dear readers, tell me things will get better. Reassure me that the Timberwolves won't descend into a level of suck that creates some sort of black hole in the Target Center. The last thing we need is for the assiness of the team to start infecting their new next-door neighbors. The Twins need all the help they can get, and, Al, that doesn't include late-night drinking sessions!

-Sota