Heaven Sent

What up world,

After a few discouraging series to open the season, many Twins fans had started to lose their faith. An entire offseason was spent diagnosing the roster and anticipating a trip to the postseason. Five months of speculation, hoping, and dreaming. Then, after three weeks and a number of losses, many fans were writing the team off. They were going down in flames and everyone in Twin-land was going to be subject to a full season of mediocrity.

All hope was lost. Even with the eventual return of Scottie Baker and Jo Jo Ma, fans were starting to wander off and seek answers elsewhere. Maybe Justin Morneau wasn't the second coming of Harmon Killibrew. Maybe Gardy wasn't the sage of wisdom that we thought he was. Maybe there was no heaven or Target Field coming at the end of the season.

What the team needed was an injection of faith. Something to restore their belief in the all-powerful might that we call the Twins. What could bring about this rebirth? What miracle workers could make this work?

Our prayers must have been heard, because an entire flock of angels entered the Metrodome for the weekend. The Angels of Anaheim and Los Angles and our Hearts rolled into Minneapolis, chock full of injuries and ass-bats of their own. Here is a quick recap of the miracles that took place in Minnesota.

Friday: Minnesota 11, LA 9

Desperate for a victory, Gardy entered the caverns of the Metrodome to a dark sub-basement late on Thursday night. There, the Bear lurked, hungry and angry from seasons of misuse. Gardy poked the Bear with a stick, yelling insults in his direction.



"My old man hibernates better than you do"
"Winnie the Pooh has a scarier growl than you."
"I bet you are worse at wiping your ass than those bears in the Charmin commercial."



Ku-bear was insensed. He charged the field on Friday night, hitting the cycle and taking every bit of fury out on a grand slam in the eighth inning. What happened on Friday night is called player management. Good job Gardy.

Saturday: Minnesota 9 LA 2

With glimmers of faith rippling through the Metrodome crowd from Friday night's comeback, the Twins' offense continued to roll on Saturday. Maybe the ass-bats of the first three weeks had been burned and destroyed. With Ku-bear rolling, the Delmonic actually living up to expectations, and Brendan Harris doing his best Lil Nicky Punto impression, the offense had been resurrected.

The real story from Saturday was the pitching of the Slow-one. Kevin Slowey pitched seven innings, giving up just two runs and six hits. He channelled his best Bradke impression, and was nasty through 112 pitches. Here is his team photo:


Slow-one = Sloth. I'm sorry, I took the easy way out here.

Sunday: Minnesota 3 LA 1

After posting impressive offensive stats through the first two games of the series, the team wanted to give the pitchers a chance to really shine. Who better to do this than a nice, shiny Perkolater. The Perkolator simmered and boiled through eight innings, even taking a shot off his leg, to earn his first victory of the season. The best part, the entire roster enjoyed some fresh brewed coffee during their postgame celebration.

Thanks to the Angels, faith has been restored. The Twins and their fans have started to believe again. Using God's wrath, they plan on destroying those red-clad heathens from Boston starting tomorrow. God has a plan for all of us. God's plan for the Twins; World Series.

-Sota

Photo Hunt

What up world,

Minnesota Twins pitcher Kevin Slowey has one of the most appropriate surnames in baseball. He doesn't necessarily throw the baseball fast, although his fastball does have considerably more speed than my 60 mph lob-ball. He picks locations, nibbles corners and such. He has said that while he was moving up through the Twins organization that he admired the way that former Twin Brad "Hunk of Burning Man-Love" Radke threw the ball. Many writers have said that watching Slowey throw is very similar to watching Bradke a couple of years ago.

Slowey sat down 12 Athletics last night, so I thought that in his honor, we would play a little Photo/Video Hunt with our man. For those of you that have not played Photohunt, let me explain the rules. Typically, one would be at a bar, heavily inebriated, while playing the game. Two photos are shown side-by-side, with five differences between the pictures. You have to pick out the differences to advance to the next picture.

Due to some technological constraints, we won't be able to play the game in the same way here. But, we will do what we can. The first photos are below. Can you spot the differences?

If you said that the person on the left was Kevin Slowey, and Bradke was on the right, you are correct. Congratulations. Also, if you said that there is a black border around the photo on the right, you get bonus points.

Here's the next round.

This one is a little tougher. If you said that the guy on the left is Sean Gallagher, pitcher for the Oakland Athletics (he was traded from the Cubs this season), and that the guy on the right is Gallagher, famous comedian, then you are correct. Gallagher, the pitcher, was torched by the Twins last night for 10 runs. Gallagher, the comedian, probably spent last night crying while eating broken pieces of smashed watermelon. Bonus points for noticing that Sean's goatee was flipped upside down and put on Gallagher's upper lip.

For the next round, we are going to change things up a bit. This is a video hunt, with three different videos. Can you spot the differences between the three?



If you said that the first video was an intimidating ground hog, that the second was a cat that was intimidating, and that the third was a pitcher that intimidated the Athletics last night, then you are correct. Bonus points for not criticizing my video editing capabilities.

Here's the fourth round. This is the trickiest of all of them, because we are comparing a picture to a video. See if you can figure this one out.



If you said that the picture is of the Oakland Athletics prior to last nights game, and that the video was the Oakland Athletics as they were facing an intimidating Kevin Slowey last night, then you are correct. Bonus points for being a little frightened by the lemur in the video. It is the size of a house cat, but man, it gives me chills every time I see it. Anyway, that was a tough round of Photohunt, and you passed with flying colors. Very impressive.

The Twins play Oakland this afternoon. Chicago is playing Seattle this afternoon as well. Saint Francisco is pitching, so let's all pray and hope for the best. Let's get back to being in first Twins.

-Sota