I don't know how this escaped my attention for so long, but I failed to realize that I have been overlooking a huge star on our team. Well known, early 90's boy band member, Kevin Love has been quietly building a nice rookie NBA season while also serenading the ladies of the Twin Cities with smooth R&B lyrics.
I had been focusing on Rodney Carney's group Boys II Men, and the addition of former New Edition member Bobby Brown, and ignoring the fact that the lead singer of Color Me Badd has been on the roster all season.
Kevin Love pictured in the middle back
Kevin has changed his look a little since Color Me Badd was releasing hits like, "I Wanna Sex You Up", "I Adore Mi Amor", and "All 4 Love", but the smoothly edged facial hair remains. Who knew that he would make such a successful transition from crooner to rebounder?
K-Love, just chillin'
So we now have three essential members of the New Jack Swing era of R&B. I sense something huge happening in the Twin Cities. They may not play that great a brand of basketball, but they can lay down some mean tracks. I haven't quite figured out the best name for the group yet. It will have to be something that involves misspelled words or numbers in place of words. Something like "Fresh 2 Death" or "4 Da Ladiezz". I'm definitely open to suggestions.
The picture below was taken at the moment McHale learned that Love, Brown, and Carney were forming their group and putting on a concert in the veranda of Mall of America. He's so excited.
While writing my last post, I was thinking back at some of my first experiences at Timberwolves games. I was always really excited to head to the Target Center, particularly because of the variety of food choices that my father would purchase for me. My dinner on those evenings typically included a personal pizza, french fries, a soft pretzel, and maybe some ice cream for desert. The sugar high that I would experience would actually cause me to hallucinate and go on a spiritual journey. On one of these occasions, where my high was making me a little jittery and paranoid, I was confronted by this guy.
I thought I was seeing a monster. He was either a daddy long legs in human form or some perverse Frankenstein creature. I was convinced that he was going to enter the stands and start tearing the limbs off of fans. Later, after I had come down from my high, I realized he was an actual member of the Timberwolves roster.
His name is Randy Breuer. He is a Minnesota native, coming out of Lake City and attending the U of M in the early 80's. Randy was a member of the team from 1989 through 1992, spreading nightmarish visions to thousands of youths throughout the Twin Cities. He was a 7'3" center, weighing 230 pounds. He was a skeleton with a jersey on. Just as a point of reference, I've listed the heights and weights of some of the centers around the league currently:
I think that Breuer was so light because he had the body of a normal sized human being, but limbs that were equipped for a 10' tall man. He was a living, breathing stick person, making his sky hook quite deadly. The addition of the ridiculously short uniforms only accentuated this fact.
To add to this, he looked like he was about 20 years older than he actually was. I had never seen a balding basketball player until Randy Breuer. It seemed shocking to me that someone that looked older than my father was on center court. He played alongside Scottie Brooks, who looked like he could pass for a third grader, making Randy's advanced aging all that more apparent.
Strange Breu made an appearance at the Lakers game this week, to mark the 20th anniversary of the Timberwolves. I didn't see any pictures of the current Randy, but I can only assume that he has continued to grow and age simultaneously. His arms and legs are now 15' long, and he looks like he's 130 years old. That's my best guess.
Be warned if you seek out current pictures of Randy. Save yourself from the nightmares and cold sweats. You've been warned.
There is so much going on in the Minnesota sporting world right now. So many topics to choose from. Here's a quick recap:
-The Twins have finally made some moves, and are one step closer to their goal of have a full roster of Joe's (current count; 4, counting Jose Mijares).
-The Vikes are contemplating adding some herbal healing to their quarterback roster. Get it? Sage. Brilliant!
-The Wild seem to be doing some stuff, but I don't really follow them too closely.
Regardless of all these other events, I want to continue focusing on the Timberwolves. They are losing more than a Biggest Loser contestant and don't seem to have any hope of a successful season, but for some reason, I've fallen back in love with the team.
The Timberwolves were my first love. In the formative years of my youth, I dealt with pressure from my parents to cheer for the Packers while also suffering through the many losing seasons of the mid-90's Twins. I felt lost and confused. I didn't know where to turn.
I had been attending Timberwolves games with my dad since the 1987 inagural season. I had watched Scottie Brooks, Pooh Richardson, Gerald Glass, and Randy Breuer struggle through the first couple of seasons in Minneapolis, but I still had their posters on my walls and continued to watch their games. I even went to the Timberwolves basketball camp in 5th grade. I was getting butterflies in my stomach and writing the team love notes.
And then, in 1995, with the drafting of a player from Farragut Career Academy, I was head over heels. Throughout the late 90's and 2000's, I was obsessed with the team. KG made me believe in the power of hoops. One of the happiest moments of my life was when the Wolves beat the Sacramento Kings in 2004 to advance to the western conference finals. Although the team ended up losing to the Lakers in the next series, there was a moment where I felt like we had won a championship. Minnesota fans have to find their victories wherever they can find them.
As I wrote in a previous post, the breakup with KG was really hard. It wasn't until the January win streak that I thought I might be able to revisit my previous relationship. Since that time, the Timberwolves and I have had long talks, some emotional moments, and even a couple of drunk dials, which has resulted in a newfound affection for the team.
For now, all of my blogging efforts will focus on the Wolves. Even through the many loses that will accumulate in the next couple of months. I am committed to reestablishing this relationship and will push all of my energy and affection in their direction...
...until the Twins start playing again. I can't help myself. They're so cuddly.
Rashad McCants is no longer a member of the Timberwolves. I know, it's sad. No longer will we be able to watch him throw up errant shots, no longer will we be connected to the Kardashian family, no longer will we hear the sweet, touching words of his poetry...
(this is actual poetry from Mccants. It's about meeting KG)
he came to me with open arms, like a hawk embracing his young, and he fed me food out his mouth but I was starving for knowledge. the type of knowledge that can't be fed by hand or voice, but by heart. so when he spoke he touched my soul, and my soul would smack me if I didn't listen the words he spoke weren't for the ears to hear.
On Thursday, Shaddy and Calvin Booth were traded to Sacramento for Shelden Williams and Bobby Brown. I was more upset to see Booth go than McCants. There was so much potential for humor when dealing with Booth. See pic below:
That's amazing. I'm laughing as I look at this picture. I had an entire WGTKY piece already prepared for him. It's too bad. Anyway, here is a brief montage of memories with Shaddy.
Now to the happy part. Although we are losing some key humorous pieces to the team, we are acquiring so much more in return. On our roster, we now have a space monster and one of the greatest R&B singers of our generation. Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to present, Shelden Williams and Bobby Brown:
Oh, it's amazing. Shelden Williams played college ball at the epicenter of evil; Duke University. He's somehow married to Candace Parker of Tenessee and WNBA fame. If fact, it was recently announced that the Landlord has impregnated Candace with the couple's first alien baby. Congratulations to the happy couple.
Seriously, how did this happen?
Bobby Brown played at Cal State Fullerton, where he was the school's all time leading scorer. He was undrafted and was signed by the Kings after a good showing in the NBA summer camps. Bobby also had several number one R&B hits throughout the 80's and early 90's. He started with the boy band New Edition and eventually moved on to a solo career. Several of his hits include Candy Girl, My Perogative, and Humping Around.
So we currently have one of the founder members of Boys II Men and Bobby Brown on our roster. We may not make the playoffs, but we are going to have sweet half time entertainment. I can't wait to see what happens.
This is the first edition of the segment I like to call Wanna Get to Know You (see post on 2/13 for more details). The inaugural member of the WGTKY team is Rodney Carney. You might ask, why Carney? What has he done to deserve this immense honor?
Well, Rodney Carney has mystified me since the end of December. I had no idea who he was until McHale took over as coach. He started to play more minutes and put together some fairly impressive stat lines. I had no idea where he came from and I wanted to get some more information on him and start to spread the gospel of Carney. So here it is:
Rodney Carney is originally from Indianapolis, and played college ball at Memphis. He was drafted by the Bulls in the 2006 draft and immediately traded to Philadelphia for Thabo Sefolosha. He spent the first two seasons of his NBA career there, and started to immerge as a solid scoring option for the team. While in Philly, he joined an R&B group called Boys II Men (pictured below).
Rodney in 2006 (middle back) with Boys II Men. So smooth.
Boys II Men had several number one hits throughout Carney's time with the group, but he was forced to leave them when he was traded to the Timberwolves this summer. He and Calvin Booth (who will definitely be featured in an upcoming segment of WGTKY) were traded to the Wolves in exchange for a $2.8 million trade exception. So in two NBA seasons, Carney has been traded twice. Things were not looking good for my man, even though he was regularly posterizing opposing players.
What up DWade. I like your tights. Here's a poster for you.
In the first few months of the 2008-2009 season, Rodney was not playing much. He plays as a small forward/shooting guard and was stuck behind Mike Miller and his ridiculous hair, and Rashad McCants and his mannish girlfriend. Then, at the start of the Wolves winning streak, he started getting more and more minutes. He had a four game stretch of 14, 22, 15, and 17 points in January while getting an average of 28 minutes per game. He even started to contemplate going back into the world of R&B.
His numbers have slid a little in February, but he remains a solid backup/off the bench guy. I'm convinced that one of the upcoming half time shows will just be Carney dunking, because it is an amazing thing to watch. More so than the spinning plates girl, or even the gymnastics teams. I'm going to offer my suggestion that the Reebok Performance Team should be replaced by Carney during each timeout and between quarters. He could do a choreographed dance, sing a little bit, and then come out and drain some threes. He's a triple threat.
That is all for now. Let me know if there are any Carney nuggets that I've left out.
I love America's Best Dance Crew. I'm not ashamed of this fact. I record the episodes on Thursday nights, watch them at least twice by rewinding through each of the dancing portions, and then typically watch the episodes again on mtv.com to fill my time through the rest of the week. I follow the gospel of Mario Lopez and his crater sized dimples, calling the show ABDC and saying things like, "That performance was fresh to death."
Within the first 10 beats of a song, in the very first episode of the year, I will decide whether or not I like a group. In every season so far, I have immediately fallen in love with a certain crew and then creepily researched and stalked them through the internets. Currently I am actively creeping on The Beat Freaks. During season two it was Supercrew. However, the crew that consistently pushes me to a solid 9 o'clock every time that I see them is Jabbawockeez.
Over a year ago, I sat in the living room of my apartment, slightly hungover, watching ABDC with my roommates. Jabbawockeez came out in their white masks during the elimination episode and laid down a giant bag of breaking craziness on the stage. After watching the full episode, I fired up the Youtube and collected every video of the Jabbas that I could find. If you ask my roommates or coworkers at the time, they will tell you that my obsession was more than unhealthy.
I have a couple of reasons for dispelling this knowledge upon you, my loyal readers. One was that I received an email from Brent, asking why the "Jaberwokies" were in the new G Gatorade commercials.
First of all, get your spelling together Brent. Jabbawockeez deserve your respect. Secondly, they completely dominate the commercial. There are several versions of the spot, but I will focus on one that was shown during the super bowl. Jabbawockeez appear toward the end of the clip, sandwiched in between Tiger and Peyton Manning. Tiger says, "Always trying to be better, each and every day," and then flashes his massive teeth to distract from his receading hairline.
Then the Jabba's appear and say, "Finding yourself through movement." This may be the most important four words ever spoken. "I have a dream?" Please. Preach Jabba's, preach.
Following their appearance is Peyton Manning, who shrugs his shoulders and says, "That's G." Seriously Gatorade. You picked Peyton to deliver this line? This is like my dad trying to use a phrase like "That's phat" or "Wasn't that nasty?" to appear young and hip. No one wants to hear you play an actual guitar Peyton. Not when we have Guitar Hero. Brent, you've just been taken to school.
The second reason that I have been thinking about the Jabbawockeez was due to their appearance in the All Star Game yesterday. For Shaq's introduction, he came out with the Jabba's, did a choreographed dance, and proceeded to tear his pants off. The clip is below (provided that TNT doesn't ban it from Youtube play).
I have a couple of thoughts of the dance.
1) It was awesome 2) Shaq looked like he was massive in comparison to the Jabbawockeez crew. I know that he's over 7 feet tall, but he looked like Godzilla compared to them. If he would have picked one of them up and taken a bite, I would not have been surprised. 3) The Big Shaq-tus is maybe my favorite Shaq nickname of all time. 4) Shaq's mask didn't look like it fit him all that well, which means that he probably has a massive noggin. It looks proportionate to the rest of his body, but it may be one of the biggest heads in history. If he had a football helment, I would imagine that a normal person could raft down a river in it. 5) It was awesome.
All in all, I love the amount of Jabba's in my life right now. There was a brief period of depression when the first season of ABDC was done, and I couldn't get my weekly fix of their dancing. However, due to a steady diet of G commercials and a random appearance here and there, I manage to avoid the shakes and dealing with the effects of withdrawal.
After writing the blog from yesterday, I decided that I needed to get to know the entire roster of the Timberwolves a little better. I have an intimate (that's right, intimate) knowledge of the majority of the Twins team, including a large portion of the minor leaguers. I get around. What can I say?
So in that sense, I'm going to start an ongoing entry called "Getting to Know You." I have even decided on a theme song for the piece. Originally I was going to go with the obvious, "Getting to Know You," from the musical the King and I.
A couple of choice lyrics from the song.
Getting to know you, getting to know all about you. Getting to like you, getting to hope you like me. Getting to know you, putting it my way, But nicely, You are precisely, My cup of tea. Although it seems like it would be perfect for this ongoing blog, I wanted to shoot someone after listening to the first couple lines of the song. Also, the laughter of the little children creeps me out. I decided to go in a different direction with my theme music. See my choice below:
Some choice lyrics:
From Young Buc: I'm lovin' how you look in my eyes Swingin' them hips when you pass I'm visualizing my name tatooed on that ass From Lloyd Banks: She loves it when I'm in town Hate it when I'm not around I get her and wear down Next door neighbors hear the sound Pictures hittin' the ground
Very sexy. It mirrors my exact feelings about the Timberwolves, aside from the whole 'having sex with you' thing. It's perfect.
I plan on starting the first, Wanna Get to Know You entry in my next post, as I've spent the last hour watching Youtube videos of the R&B singer Joe. He's so smooth. I couldn't help myself. More to come.
I was creeping around the Timberwolves ESPN page for a bit today. Since I've moved away from Minnesota, and throughout the ineptitude of the last couple of seasons, I've lost track of some of the players that we have on the roster. At the beginning of the season, I would see blurbs about Kevin Ollie and Calvin Booth and say, "Who the F is that."
Throughout the season, I've come to at least recognize many of the names that are proudly wearing the green and blue of the Wolves. What I didn't realize is that many of these no name players are making more money in the 2008-2009 season that I will ever earn in my lifetime. I know that salaries are ridiculously large in all sports, but I thought that they were proportionate to the contribution that the athlete makes. KG, pay that man! Lebron, Kobe, Dwade, open up the bank!
Brain Cardinal? Give him a couple of hot dogs, and some team merchandise. Allow him to sit courtside each night, and he should be happy. Wait, what? What did you say? Brian Cardinal is earning $6.3 million this year? WTF?!? This guy?
He is the third highest player on the Timberwolves. Just behind Mike Miller and Al Jefferson. He averages about 10 minutes per game, and just about as many personal fouls (1.4) as points (1.7). Why in the hell did I choose to go into accounting, when I could be making this kind of scrilla emulating Big Bird (new name for Brian Cardinal. Creative? Yes!!!)
I think my new career path is going to be in the NBA. I may be 27, but I think I could still grow a few inches and develop a sweet low post game. Watch out world. I'm coming, and you are all witnesses.
It has been several months. I'm sorry. Especially to Brent, who is the only person that reads this. Brent, I will try and be better.
I told myself that my life as a blogger was over, at least until the Twins season started back up. I was resigned to the fact that I was succumbing to the things I like least about bloggers out there. People that start strong and then go weeks without a post, only to return with an "I'm sorry Brent" statement. Ridiculous. If you are going to blog, blog. Don't tease me with a story about how you are going to fall in love with the Timberwolves and write about them all the time and then don't post anything until four months later.
I was becoming this monster. Criticizing other blogs, but not looking inwardly at my own. That was the case, until a couple of weeks ago. All of a sudden, the Wolves started playing well. Fire a McHale GM and then hire a McHale coach seemed to be the recipe for success. We were beating bad teams and staying competitive with good teams. I even started evaluating whether they had a chance at the playoffs, and developing a large amount of man love for Kevin Love.
So thoughts of blogging started to creep back into my mind grapes. Every day, I told myself to start blogging again. I would sit and think of stories that I could tell. How Randy Whitman was now drinking himself to sleep in an alleyway outside the Target Center. How Kevin Love was the offspring of the Pillsbury doughboy and Wonder Woman. How I have some preliminary plans to create a bronze statue of Al Jefferson for my future front lawn. I was starting to believe again...
Then Big Al fell and heard a pop. Just when things were coming together. Even if the Wolves didn't make the playoffs, they were fun to follow. I enjoyed checking the Strib to see what was going on. A few highlights even started to appear on ESPN. People were starting to take notice. Damn it.
I need to remember that this will probably be better for everyone in the end. Love will get more experience. Foye will have a chance to emmerge further into the spotlight. Maybe Miller stops bricklaying everywhere. We'll probably end up with a higher pick, which McHale won't be able to use, and we can head into next year with Brewer, Jefferson, and a collection of young talent back together again. There is a silver lining.
Also, the Twins report next week, so hope is definitely around the corner. That is all for now.
I'm a born and bred Minnesotan, currently living in San Diego. While I've been away from home for about 10 years, my love for all things Minnesota stays strong.
I'm going to do the business here in order to capture some of the thoughts in my mind grapes. Grapes go bad and get all mushy. These entries will last much longer.
Please enjoy, and I'll try to keep it interesting.
